


lie again

by blushao (horizsan)



Series: an ode [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, based off of seventeen's song lie again, but yea this is like sad if you don't like sad don't read, i cried writing it actually, jihoon and soonyoung do not have a happy ending in this, kinda angsty ngl, sassy no-nonsense chan because it's what the world needs, there is no sexual content i don't write stuff like that it makes me v uncomfy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:02:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23413507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horizsan/pseuds/blushao
Summary: In which Jihoon lies to Soonyoung again and again.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Series: an ode [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1684186
Comments: 5
Kudos: 28





	lie again

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: a tiny bit of profanity, made me cry writing it, it's kinda angsty
> 
> i sort of feel like this is too short for ao3 like it's only 2k words. i've seen one shots on here that were like 35k??? but whatever, yea, enjoy :)
> 
> [ also this is the first work i'm posting on ao3 aaaah (you can find me and a whole bunch more of my writing (especially poetry) on wattpad under the same username) ]

**KWON SOONYOUNG + LEE JIHOON**

_"I don't like you_

_I have come to not like you_

_I don't want to see you anymore"_

-

Jihoon knew that he shouldn't be lying to Soonyoung. Especially not these specific lies. But he had to keep lying, in order to stop himself from breaking Soonyoung's heart.

This seemingly endless cycle of lying started about four months ago, when Jihoon started to think that he was no longer in love with Soonyoung. These thoughts invaded his mind, crowding his conscience until he couldn't think about anything else. He was beginning to lose his mind a little, and whenever Soonyoung asked him if he was okay, or if anything was wrong, he would always lie and tell him that everything was fine.

Every time Jihoon told Soonyoung that he loved him, he was lying. He knew he should stop, and just tell Soonyoung the truth already. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. And so the circle of madness and false truths continued.

When Jihoon had first met Soonyoung, he had fallen in love immediately. Honestly, who wouldn't? The boy had an absolutely adorable smile, with little hamster teeth and slightly chubby cheeks that were perfect for squishing. When he smiled, his eyes smiled with him, forming perfect quarter-moon arcs.

His voice was nice to listen to, and he wasn't a bad singer at all. His vocals were unique, with a sort of husky tone to them that Jihoon had once loved to hear. He used to sit on the counter, close his eyes, and just tilt his head toward Soonyoung as the older boy sang, his lovely voice ringing clear in the kitchen of their apartment.

But now, when Soonyoung sang, Jihoon didn't listen anymore. He tuned out the sound, and focused on other things. And whenever Soonyoung asked him if he liked it, he would lie again and say he did.

Jihoon dragged himself out of his thoughts, getting up from the couch to answer the incessantly ringing rotary phone that lay alone, at the bottom left corner of the coffee table.

"Hello? This is Jihoon speaking."

"It's Chan. We need to talk. And don't you dare hang up when I tell you why."

Jihoon moved to sit down on the floor with his legs crossed, moving closer to the phone so that he wouldn't put strain on its cord.

"Alright. Let's talk, then. What do you want?"

A loud burst of static crackled through the phone's speaker, and Jihoon winced, yanking it away from his ear until it stopped.

He put it back to his ear, and groaned, "Static. I'm gonna need you to repeat anything you just said."

A chuckle echoed through the speaker, and Chan replied, "Yeah, I got it too. We need to talk about Soonyoung."

Jihoon shimmied around a little, and began playing with the shoelaces on his red Chucks. "Soonyoung? What about him?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. You can't keep lying to him, Jihoon. It's gonna tear both of you apart."

Jihoon heaved a sigh, and stayed silent for a few seconds. "I know. I know that. But I can't tell him, Chan. I can't. Besides, I think I might still love him, deep down inside somewhere. Why else would it be such a struggle for me to tell him? I don't wanna break his heart, Chan."

He twisted his upper body around, and pulled the blanket off the couch, putting the phone down for a second to wrap it around his shoulders. He put the phone back against his ear, only to hear another round of static.

"Chan, can you repeat everything you said after I stopped talking? There was another static thing."

Chan sighed, and said, "But it won't have the same energy as last time."

Jihoon let out a small laugh. "Yeah, well, try your best."

"Okay. You're not ready for this, though. I'm gonna yell, so don't put the phone directly against your ear unless you want shattered eardrums."

Jihoon shifted so that he was more comfortable, and pulled the blanket tighter around his body. He put the phone about an inch away from his ear, and answered, "Alright, Chan, I think I'm ready. Shoot."

Jihoon heard a deep breath from the other end of the line, and then Chan's extremely furious, and mocking, voice. " _I think I might still love him._ Oh, come on, Jihoon. Don't give me that bullshit. You don't love him. You may have in the past, but you stopped loving him a long time ago. You replaced love with pretty lies, and that needs to end. You know that."

A single tear welled up in Jihoon's eye and slid slowly down his face, turning with the curve of his cheek and dripping off his chin, splattering on his bare knee.

"Yeah, I know. I know. I have to tell him, I know I have to. But I don't want to hurt him too much."

Chan sighed, and replied, "I know that, Jihoon. But you have to hurt him a little bit now, or you'll only hurt him more in the end. I already have my spare bedroom set up so that he's got a place to stay."

Jihoon grabbed a corner of the blanket in his hand, and wiped the trail left by the tear off of his face. "Yeah. Okay. Thanks, Chan. I guess Soonyoung will see you later. Bye."

"Bye, Hoonie."

Jihoon rolled his eyes, and said, "What did I tell you about calling me that?"

All he heard in response was a low beep. Chan had hung up the phone. Jihoon looked up at the photos on their wall, in their plain but pretty dark wooden frames. They were all in black and white, which was a sharp contrast against the living room's white walls.

They were all of him and Soonyoung, back when they were really and truly happy together. One was of Jihoon piggybacking Soonyoung with a sparkler in his hand. Both were laughing, and Jihoon had his other hand in Soonyoung's hair.

Another was of Jihoon sitting on the bartop in their kitchen, Soonyoung standing between his legs, his arms wrapped around Jihoon's waist, their foreheads pressed together.

A third photo was an action shot of Jihoon standing on the counter in the kitchen in Rick and Morty socks, pouring an entire bag of flour over Soonyoung's head.

Jihoon could feel a lump rising in his throat, and tried to swallow it back. But he couldn't. Tears began to form in his eyes again, and when he heard the apartment door and Soonyoung's voice saying, "Honey, I'm home," like an actor in an old rom-com, he let them stream down his face.

As soon as Soonyoung saw Jihoon, he dropped his bag on the floor, his laptop sliding out as the open backpack flopped over. He knelt down in front of Jihoon and grabbed his face between his hands, placing gentle kisses on both of Jihoon's cheeks.

"Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong?"

Jihoon grabbed Soonyoung's hands and pulled them off his face, pushing Soonyoung away from him and scooting backwards toward the couch. His voice was barely more than a whisper as he breathed out, "Soonyoung, I'm sorry..."

Soonyoung raised one eyebrow, and inched closer to Jihoon. "Sorry for what, Jihoonie? You haven't done anything wrong."

Jihoon shook his head, choking back a sob. He tucked his knees into his chest, and wiped the tears off his face. His efforts were to no avail, however. The tears just kept coming, with no end in sight.

"But I did, Soonyoung. I did. I messed up so so bad, and I'm so sorry. I wish I could go back and change what I did, but I can't."

Soonyoung sidled up to Jihoon again, this time just sitting next to him, their shoulders pressed together. "Whatever happened, I'm sure we can fix it together. Now, let's start over. What's wrong?"

Jihoon violently shook his head, and whispered, "There's no fixing this, Soonyoung. I lied to you. I lied to you so many times, and God, I regret it, but I've done it, and I can't go back now. And I wanted to stop, I really did, but in the end, I would always lie again."

Soonyoung turned his body so that he was facing Jihoon, and ran a hand through his hair. "JiJi, what do you mean you lied to me? Lied to me about what?"

Jihoon stood up, and moved across the living room so that he wasn't so close to Soonyoung. He needed to finish this now, before it got any worse. Soonyoung being that close to him only clouded his mind, and made him want to stay, made him want to lie again.

He cleared his throat, hoping he would manage to say all he needed to say before the sobs in his throat took away his voice. "Soonyoung, I'm sorry, but I stopped loving you a while ago. I don't know what happened, or why it happened, but I no longer love you the same way I did before. Every time I told you I loved you in the past four months was a lie. Every time I told you that everything was going to be just fine was a lie. I was like Pinocchio. But you were the only one who couldn't see my nose getting longer and longer every time I lied."

Now Soonyoung was also crying, the sound of his sobs sometimes broken with hiccups or sharp breaths. He was on his knees on the floor, his head down, shaggy black hair covering his eyes.

Something broke inside Jihoon, seeing Soonyoung like that. Soonyoung had been his sunshine for so long, and it was odd to see him so...destroyed. Jihoon ran towards him, bending down in front of him. "Soonyoung, I'm sorry, but I couldn't keep lying to you."

Soonyoung looked up at him, and the moment Jihoon's eyes met Soonyoung's, Jihoon almost let himself crumble, and lie again. But he couldn't. He knew that. He had to stay strong and tell the truth, for both his own sake and Soonyoung's. But, God, Soonyoung just looked so broken. The eyes must really be the windows to the soul, because when Jihoon looked into Soonyoung's eyes, all he saw was shattered glass, the pieces of what had once been Soonyoung's heart.

"Jihoon, it's fine."

Jihoon looked at Soonyoung's hands, which were clenched into fists so tight that his nails were digging into his palms hard enough to make him bleed. "No, it isn't, Soonyoung. Don't start lying like I did. Listen, you deserve someone so much better than me, someone who would never lie to you. Go find them, Soonyoungie. Okay?"

Soonyoung whispered, "You were only lying to keep yourself from hurting me, Jihoon."

Jihoon nodded, and said, "I know. But a wise friend told me today that it's better to hurt you a little bit now than to let this continue. It would hurt you more in the end if I just kept going around and around on a carousel of lies."

Soonyoung chuckled, and asked, "Was this wise friend a certain Lee Chan?"

Jihoon cracked a smile. "Yeah. Yeah, it was. Speaking of Chan, he's got a room set up for you."

Soonyoung stood up, wiping his forearm across his cheeks, which were now shiny with tear streaks. He turned towards the back wall, staring at the photos. "Hey, Jihoon, I've got one small request before I pack up and leave."

Jihoon cocked his head to one side, and gave Soonyoung a perplexed look. "What is it?"

"Can you keep the photos? I mean, if you're gonna like, I don't know, burn them or something, then I'll take them, but-"

"I'll never burn those. I promise you I will keep them and cherish them forever and ever and ever. And that's not a lie. I have copies in my bedside table if you want them."

Soonyoung smiled, and said, "Thanks, Jihoonie."

Soonyoung went down the hall towards their bedroom, and Jihoon heard the sound of their horribly squeaky dresser drawers opening. He poked his head down the hall, and called to Soonyoung, "I'm gonna go get coffee and clear my head. You can just leave your key on the counter. I'll see you around."

"Alrighty, will do."

Jihoon grabbed his jacket off the hook by the door, pulled his keys out of the pocket, and left the apartment, gently closing the door behind him. When it was fully closed, Jihoon leaned against it, letting out a sigh. After so long, he felt like he was finally freed of his Pinocchio complex, his endless cycle of tears and lies.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed reading this :) despite the fact that it's kinda sad :( please let me know what you thought in the comments <3


End file.
